Categories
mental health recovery

Inside Outside. (I am in recovery, but it is messy)

I used to tense up when I was told I ‘looked better’. I was proud of my disguise, but I also felt a strange sort of disconnect between the girl on the outside and what I was trying to understand about the inside of me. I had this sick belief that I deserved to have […]

Categories
mental health recovery

It Totally and Completely Depends.

Let me preface this with the context that this writing is therapy homework. A blog post and homework all in one. Brilliant. I mean, if you have to kill two birds, you may well use one stone. I call it genius, others probably call it lazy. (off topic, but I don’t support the killing of […]

Categories
mental health recovery

To The Bone, a Recovery Reading.

In year 11 and 12 I did top level English. It was an interesting experience for all involved in my education. I was a bit of a mess at that point in my life and had sub-zero confidence in my ability to have an actual opinion on anything. Despite this, one of the most important […]

Categories
mental health personal

Thoughts on Rock Bottom

A few months ago Paramore released a new album, the first in a long time. Like last time there was a new Paramore album I was in high school and had a halfhearted emo fringe. So I was excited. It’s a good album. It’s different, but I love it. But this post is not a […]

Categories
mental health recovery

Let Your Mornings Be New

Wake up, rub the sleep and flaking mascara from your tired eyes, drag yourself out of bed. Stumble to the bathroom, wherever it is in this empty quiet house that probably isn’t your own. Stare yourself down in the mirror. You look like some kind of 1950’s horror movie extra. Lips are so chapped they’re […]

Categories
Faith mental health

Everything gets bad again. (and, an optimistic life spoiler)

I was sitting in bed the other night, half doing a strange combination of things, scrolling through Tumblr, listening to whatever music came up next on shuffle, reading. Mostly thinking. There’s always this strange period of time, a kind of limbo, between taking my night meds and when they actually kick in properly and I fall […]

Categories
anxiety mental health

On Having Anxiety, Part 2//A Reflection

Part 1// I’m 18, a university student and part time admin assistant. I was sitting in my very first psychologist’s office, staring blankly at a wall, trying to ignore the sense of impending doom in my chest. We’d been discussing life, and I’d decided that it wasn’t a thing I wanted to do anymore. “I […]

Categories
anxiety mental health

On Having Anxiety

I have anxiety. More specifically, I have Panic Disorder, meaning I experience frequent panic attacks with no identifiable trigger. I also have Generalised Anxiety Disorder in the sense that I am frequently anxious about any number of things without any real understanding as to why. Although I didn’t receive a diagnosis until after I started having Panic […]