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personal

my hair is curly now (reflections on 21).

my hair is curly now. i bet you didn’t expect thatwhen you wrapped dirt and shamearound my half grown body. long hair brushed straight—one hundred times—to pull the memory out afterwards,but my milk tooth brain couldnever quite push you away. the day i chopped my long hair offi thought i was free—i was not free. […]

Categories
Faith mental health recovery

Washing Machine Prayers

If I could find a way to put the last few months into paragraphs, I would, but right now I am faced with a washing machine full of words. If I open it now everything will spill out, tangled in soap and dirty water, and I will be swamped. I’ve searched everywhere I can think […]

Categories
life personal

A kind of writers block that isn’t quite writers block. 

I’ve had a pretty good few months writing wise. I’d go as far as to say I’ve been on a creative high. Like, I didn’t mean to blog multiple times a week, I didn’t plan on my posts consistently surpassing one thousand words. I was proof reading my writing back and actually enjoying the process. […]

Categories
anxiety life

A Bell Jar of Stress and Trying to Leave it. 

I accidentally reached the point where who I am as a person is synonymous with being stressed, which was entirely unintentional and not the dazzling personality trait I’d hoped for. Maybe we all should have seen it coming when my Mother used to say I had frog fingers thanks to my bitten away nails making […]

Categories
mental health recovery

Inside Outside. (I am in recovery, but it is messy)

I used to tense up when I was told I ‘looked better’. I was proud of my disguise, but I also felt a strange sort of disconnect between the girl on the outside and what I was trying to understand about the inside of me. I had this sick belief that I deserved to have […]

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Faith life

Refocus.

When I got home I was hollow. Cried out. Exhausted. I ended up outside in the dark, laying on the pavement, searching for the stars between porridge clouds. The stars have always been my safe place. One of my first memories is from back in 1999, my family had moved from the city to a […]

Categories
Faith personal

In the Waiting.

Over the course of this year, my entire life has been shaken up more times than I can count. I feel almost dizzy, my head is spinning still, even in the moments of peace. Residual sea sickness. Throwing up on the pavement. Regardless, I feel the tiniest sparkle of excitement. The Holy Spirit is speaking […]

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life personal

Alternate Universes (I’m learning to live in this world)

When I was in school I knew a boy who believed in alternate universes. We had Materials and Design Tech together in year ten, and he’d often find his way to my work bench where he would sit and discuss his theories with me. Theory Boy believed that there could be an infinite number of […]

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life personal

Scattered.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel at this point in my life for a few days now. Nothing really fits. Things are ultimately going pretty well for me on a superficial front, and I’m enjoying that a lot. But. I can’t work myself out. I have to know things, a strength and […]

Categories
life

I’m Talking to Me. (or, a hypocrite speaks)

Sometimes I want to be together, I want to sound intelligent, well researched. I want to everything to progress through a series of steps until it reaches a conclusion, my life to be like a well-formed essay. Sometimes I think I just need honesty. I am a mess. Like completely. I can’t think of a single […]